Whether you’re a man or woman, a good percentage of us humans find ourselves attracted to fictional (and in this case, also pixelated) characters. Why does this happen? Well, these characters are written intentionally to be admirable and relatable. Making them smoking hot doesn’t hurt either.
So what would you do if given the opportunity to date one of these characters? Like real-life dating, it would be beneficial to consider the pros and cons. Sit down with me and we’ll pop open a bottle of wine and a box of Cheeze-Itz (because that’s what classy people do), and we’ll explore your options.
Gentlemen…
1. Jacqueline Natla (Tomb Raider)
Pros: Natla is very smart and resourceful. She can take care of herself, being the stern business woman that she is.
Cons: As one of the original rulers of Atlantis, she’s very, very old and is most likely too mature to deal with your shenanigans. She’ll most likely perform illegal genetic experiments on you. Oh yeah, and she’s evil.
2. Navi (The Legend of Zelda)
Pros: She will always try to help guide you, and be supportive.
Cons: “Hey, listen! Hey, take out the trash! Hey, do the dishes! Hey, don’t wear white socks with a formal suit! Hey, look at me when we make love!”
3. Juliet Starling (Lollipop Chainsaw)
Pros: Juliet is gorgeous, perky, enthusiastic, and a kick-ass zombie slayer who is very gracious when it comes to up-skirt views.
Cons: If you are bitten by a zombie, instead of just putting you down, Juliet will perform a voodoo ritual on you so that your decapitated (but still alive) head can hang comfortably from her waistline. That might seem okay until your face gets stuck between her ass cheeks.
4. Shaundi (Saints Row 2)
Pros: She rolls with the Saints! Shaundi is just plain awesome, who is just as smart as she is sexy. She also cleans up good, going from Bob Marley dreads to badass military chic. Team Shaundi!
Cons: Well, you may risk your own life rescuing her from a murderous ex-boyfriend, getting involved with gangs and viscous, merciless drug lords.
5. Alice (American McGee’s Alice)
Pros: There’s no doubt about it, Alice Liddell is one breathtaking beauty. Curiouser and curiouser, she is always questioning everyone and everything. She’s braver than most girls her age, and she never lets anyone try to tell her who she is.
Cons: She may go and run off to Wonderland without you. Not to mention she has no problem pushing you in front of a train if you piss her off.
6. Ellie (Borderlands 2)
Pros: Who doesn’t adore Ellie? She’s freaking awesome. Most likely to be a distant cousin to Kaylee from Firefly (Yeah, I know it’s a stretch), Ellie is a mechanical genius. Forget buying a new car, just get her the parts and she’ll build it herself.
Cons: If she sits on your face, you will die.
7. Bayonetta (Bayonetta)
Pros: She’s absolutely bewitching (let that pun sink in). Bayonetta kicks ass with grace and style… and her hair.
Cons: If she gets lice, you’re screwed.
8. GLaDOS (Portal)
Pros: Well, she IS creative when coming up with tests, has a lovely singing voice, and always knows what to say in every situation. Plus, if you’re feeling threatened, you can just stick her in a potato.
Cons: You may not get enough time to stick her in that potato, and she may very well just kill you. Also, there’s no effing cake.
9. Rayne (Bloodrayne)
Pros: Vampire boobies. Rayne is an awesome vampire, she has all the sexiness and intimidation of a dangerous heroine. Plus you get the benefit of dating a vampire that doesn’t sparkle!
Cons: The girl has some daddy issues. Expect some baggage because of that…
10. Cortana (Halo)
Pros: Everyone loves Cortana. Even though she’s A.I., she feels like a real human being. Compassionate, wise, and capable of emoting. She’s Master Chief’s number one. Plus she’s tons better than Siri.
Cons: I’ll just stop here before all the fanboys start crying.
