Whether you’re a man or woman, a good percentage of us humans find ourselves attracted to fictional (and in this case, also pixelated) characters. Why does this happen? Well, these characters are intentionally written to be admirable and relatable. Making them smoking hot doesn’t hurt either.
So what if they were real people? What would you do if given the opportunity to date one of these characters? Like real-life dating, it would be beneficial to consider the pros and cons. Sit down with me and we’ll pop open a bottle of wine and a box of Cheeze-Itz (because that’s what classy people do), and we’ll explore your options.
Ladies…
1. Gordon Freeman (Half-Life)
Pros: He will always listen to you, because he never talks. Not only that, but he’s a big damn hero with big and nerdy hipster glasses that just cry out, “Hey everyone! I’m a big damn hero!”
Cons: If you’re having a bad hair day, i.e. a massive rat’s nest on the top of your head, he may mistake it for a head crab and violently beat you to death with a crowbar.
2. Chuck Greene (Dead Rising 2)
Pros: Chuck is a family man. He’s a devoted father who will do anything for his baby girl. He is strong, ruggedly handsome, and super useful since he can turn almost anything into a weapon to use against zombies. Anyone that can be of use during a zombie apocalypse is worth keeping.
Cons: While he’s out fighting zombies and wearing pretty dresses, you’ll be stuck taking care of his daughter who could turn into a zombie if she doesn’t take her medication on time.
3. Foxy the Pirate Fox (Five Nights at Freddy’s)
Pros: You will be the envy of the entire furry community.
Cons: He may bite off your frontal lobe. And if that doesn’t kill you, have fun being stuffed in a Freddy Fazbear suit.
4. Garrus Vakarian (Mass Effect)
Pros: What isn’t to love about this turian rogue? He’s a natural leader, a supportive arm, and knows how to handle his sniper rifle (bow chicka wow wow). Not to mention that he has the sexiest voice in all the galaxy, and a battle scar that makes all the Krogan ladies go wild.
Cons: He’s always calibrating something. Don’t expect to get a lot of chit chat from him when it comes to his guns.
5. Dante (Devil May Cry)
Pros: Meow! Not only is he devilishly handsome (see what I did there?), but what could be a better date night than demon hunting and pizza? Dante is fast, agile, and excellent with his sword (again, bow chicka wow wow). He’s a fun guy with a load of sarcastic quips that make you fall in love with him over and over again.
Cons: While you’re gazing in awe of his washboard abs, you may find yourself in the middle of a heated battle between him and vengeful demons, that may murder you to get to Dante (a lot of these cons end with your death, don’t they?).
6. Crypto (Destroy All Humans!)
Pros: Crypto is hilarious and the ladies just can’t get enough of him.
Cons: He’s a little too into anal. Do not eat Taco Bell before going out with him.
7. Professor Oak (Pokemon)
Pros: This dude will give you Pokemon. He’ll also be sure to send your son/daughter away on a grand adventure so that the two of you can have some alone time…
Cons: He won’t be able to tell if you’re a boy or a girl at first, and he may also forget your name.
8. Duke Nukem (Duke Nukem)
Pros: He’s got muscles. Lots of muscles. He’s a badass, and a badass that will save you when aliens attack. He will cut off the head and shit down the neck of every monster that tries to harm you.
Cons: Don’t expect him to stay committed to you. There’s a lot of babes out there.
9. The Medic (Team Fortress 2)
“Ready for your rectal exam, mein liebe?”
Pros: He’s a freaking handsome doctor with an awesome German accent. If you’re out playing a very violent game of capture the flag, he’ll be right there to patch you up if there’s trouble.
Cons: He’s a genius, but his medical methods are very unconventional… He might accidentally trap his dove, Archimedes, in your rib cage.
10. Steve (Minecraft)
Pros: He knows how to survive in the wild. He’ll build you a castle, boat, or a castle-boat and keep you safe from creepers, zombies, Enderman, and unnecessary mods. Steve has a great work ethic and is very productive.
Cons: He’s a total blockhead.
