P
latform: Sega Genesis 32x
Developer: SEGA AM3
Publisher: Lucasarts, SEGA
Release date: 1994
Genre: Shooter, space-shooter, sci-fi shooter
Nerd Rating: 5 out of 10
Reviewed by Nerdberry
Even the hardest of Sega fans know the 32X was a total POS. But if you own one, you’re proud, and you’re not backing down. Am I right?! So you’re probably here because you’re scouring the web looking for the best Sega Genesis 32X games ever made. Am I still right? Well, this game isn’t it. But in all fairness, it’s not a terrible game, just a mediocre one. And as an import of the uber-popular arcade game, it’s a reasonably decent console port!
Arcades were all the rave in the ’70s, ‘80s, and ’90s, and the arcade version of Star Wars Arcade brought the movie magic into the players’ hands and butts (read on). There was nothing like it! There were a couple of different cabinet models, one of which you could sit in (hence the “butts” mention a couple of sentences back). The other was a standard stand-up model. In 1994, Sega jumped on it and said “Hey, our 32x system sucks. But if we import the Star Wars Arcade game and use it as a launch title, people will think we’re cool!” So they did. And quite simply, the game was awesome! For 1994 that is.
Some games can stand the test of time – See any Super Mario Bros game for the Nintendo Entertainment System, see Sonic the Hedgehog games on the Sega Genesis, see Super Mario 64, etc. – But Star Wars Arcade for the 32x is not one of them. This game is from my collection, which means I repurchased this game way in the ‘90s to play it, not just to collect it or to review it here.
Kicking off with a storyline in yellow scrolling text that fades away into a starry sky, just like the movies, you’re immediately thrust into Star Wars lore. From there you find yourself in the cockpit of an X-Wing, shooting down tie fighters. Pretty simple, pretty straightforward, but Star Wars. The graphics are about as good as you would expect: Simple, less-than-optimal polygonal shapes that appear and disappear in thin air when they reach a certain distance on the screen. The A.I. for the enemies is not very advanced, yet the challenge comes from trying to defeat the enemies (15 tie fighters in approximately 3 minutes) in the allotted time. After all, this IS an arcade game, remember? This first battle is straightforward, allowing newbies to get a little practice as they earn their chops. The second level, however…
Level two has you fighting the same tie fighters except with imperial starships in the background shooting non-threatening lasers at the speed of an injured squirrel trying to 
get off the highway. You’ll get through it with ease, trust me. The third level: you’re back in the asteroid field shooting down more tie fighters, except this time you have to get 25 enemies in the small 3 minute time frame. Not very easy! I mean, it would be easy if it weren’t for the clunky controls of trying to navigate a 3D world with no landmarks for reference and shit. But I’m not too tough on them. Developers were still learning general rules for 3D game development at this time.
Your next stage brings you to the Death Star. No, you don’t get to travel down in the trench right away yelling, “I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home.” You are battling just above the Death Star, but you’ll get down in there soon enough. It’s okay. Nothing exciting, except in 1993 this was probably the Bee’s Knees.
The levels get progressively more difficult from stage 4 on. Not due to the increase in A.I. difficulty (although the gun turrets and random lasers out of nowhere do start to land their mark a little more often), but due to the scarcity of the tie-fighters you need to kill in the allotted time frame. Not only is it difficult to hit them (the targeting system isn’t very accurate), but they either disappear randomly, or you’ll find yourself waiting for one to show up so you can (attempt to) shoot it down! The most frustrating thing is when you have maybe six enemies to go and 10 seconds left until you die. ALL SIX WILL FLY OUT IN FRONT OF YOU! As if to tease you into thinking you can somehow hit all six of them in 7 to 9 seconds. Bastards.
CONCLUSION
Graphics: The graphics don’t stand the test of time, but they’re pretty good for 1994 on a home system. Not bad at all.
Sound: The sound is pretty crappy, as is all audio on the 32x. The opening track sounds like a Sony Walkman with one of those single speakers on the front and a pair of 2-year-old Rayovac AA batteries trying to squeak out the last bit of juice they have left. The sound effects are decent but are lacking any depth — just a simple repeat of the laser after laser and the same explosion sound. Occasionally when you get hit, R2-D2 yells out. It was comical the first couple times. Keywords: “…was comical.” Note “WAS.”
How Fun Is It Today: Not too fun or enjoyable. It’s a series of meaningless tasks that are identical level after level. The only difference is an occasional background change and the number of enemies I have to kill. It’s still playable and might be fun for someone looking for a nostalgic moment from the early ’90s when they were up to the street at the local arcade (or the Boys n’ Girls Club where I was introduced to arcade machines).
Replayability: Not very high. One time I died, it said I was only 35% through the game and the thought of having to start from the beginning killing tie-fighters in a meaningless and monotonous fashion for another hour or so sounds awful.
OVERALL: Given all of the factors of how fun it was back in the day and how it plays now, with the graphics, sound, playability, replayability, etc.
Nerd Rating: 5 out of 10
P.S. = If you’re reading this, and you went to the Boys n’ Girls Club in Wake Forest, NC between the years 1991 and 1998, you probably still owe me a quarter for Super Street Fighter II. I haven’t forgotten you…
Reviewed by NerdBerry
Written by Nerdberry
What’s up yall? David “Nerdberry” here! I am the founder of Nerd Bacon and the current co-owner (and CEO) along with partner David “theWatchman!” I hail from North Carolina, hence my love for all things pork! Oh, you’re not familiar with NC? Well I’m not 100% sure, but I am pretty confident that NC and VA lead the nation in pork production. I could be wrong, but even if I am, I still love bacon!
Come enjoy some bacon and games with us yall.
