Alright, so I have recently started playing Grand Theft Auto V again. Yeah, I know, I am extremely late to the party, but I was finally able to set everything up and play using first person mode. Believe me, it actually makes diving back into Los Santos much more rewarding. Never had I actually enjoyed grabbing a handful of random players and robbing a convenience store so much…until the ensuing police chase and standoff on the pier resulted in my untimely demise.
Once I finished the main story though, I found myself longing to continue playing. Since GTA V is an endless sandbox of crime and chaos, I decided to jump on GTA V‘s online mode…Madness ensued. If you are still playing Grand Theft Auto V and need to waste a little bit of time, here are my picks for the “Top 10 Ways to Waste Time in Grand Theft Auto V.”
10. Grab a Pegassi and Swerve Through Traffic
One of my favorite aspects in any of the Grand Theft Auto games is driving throughout the city. Los Santos has by far been my favorite city, as it is loosely based off of real life metropolis Los Angeles, CA. Since I lived in LA for a spell, I am able to recognize much of the city and surrounding landscape from personal experience. Although you can only drive around for so long before you get bored. Now it’s time to activate Franklin’s special ability!
Just keep swerving…just keep swerving.
Franklin’s special ability is to slow down time while you are driving. Since Franklin is an expert wheel man, this allows him to dip in and out of traffic. With the introduction of first person mode, you can have even more fun with this feature. What I suggest is to grab a Pegassi, one of the fastest motorcycles in the game, and jump behind the handlebars. Find your favorite area of Los Santos and max out that accelerator, trying not to slam to your death against a car. With skilled use of Franklin’s ability, you can travel for ages barely scraping by your death. Now crank up “The Lab” and keep dodging.
9. Cheat and Terrorize Los Santos
FALCON PUNCH!!!!!!!!!!
I know…I know…cheating in games is a touchy subject for many gamers, regardless of genre or preference. While normally I don’t allow cheating, this is an exception. I decided to check out what cheats were available in the title’s offline mode, and HOLY CRAP. Grand Theft Auto V just became even more fun. Ever thought of having flaming/explosive bullets or being permanently drunk wandering throughout the city? Now you can!
While the Grand Theft Auto series has been known for their variety of cheats, Grand Theft Auto V takes it even further. Need an increase in speed or swimming? Check. How about a rare vehicle spawn? Got you covered. How about a simple BMX bike? NO PROBLEM. From changing your wanted level to providing you with guns/vehicles, or simply just adding a tiny hint of explosives to your game, let’s just say, chaos will ensue. While my personal favorites are “Moon Gravity” (removes gravity limitations in order for you to jump insanely high) and “Explosive Melee Attacks” (adds a small destructive charge to each punch thrown), there are plenty for you to choose from. Just make sure you don’t destroy Los Santos too much, we still have plenty of activities to go through.
8. Explore the Ocean Depths
While Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas introduced the ability for our protagonists to swim, Grand Theft Auto V easily perfected it. Once you are bored of land, you have to take a dive off of the Los Santos Pier and just go for a swim. While you won’t be able to travel very far under the water without some scuba diving gear or a submarine, you can easily enjoy the beautiful ocean environment while you wait for your wanted level to disappear. If you are looking to scuba dive in GTA Online, this feature has not been added yet and is only available in the offline story mode.
Diving off the pier LIKE A BO$$!
If you would like to join in on the hunting mini-game and swim into the ocean’s deep, you may be able to find a shark ready to make you its lunch. Will you be able to take on a shark without your trusty arsenal? Of course, since most of the sharks can be killed with only a few slashes of your trusty knife. While they are relatively easy to kill, it is still awesome to jump into first person mode and fight the ocean predator hand to hand…or I guess hand to teeth?
7. Harass the Mimes
You call this art!?!?!?!
Ugh…mimes. I absolutely can’t stand mimes at all. I mean I understand that it is supposed to be art using only movement and improvisation/imagination, but these mimes are just annoying. I am going to call one out now, the target for this entry is the mime performing in Del Perro on the Prosperity Street Promenade. While most people simply just ignore him, he is the subject for pictures for some players and NPCs. A hilarious aspect though is if you injure him and piss him off, he will break character and yell insults at you. This is perfect, so he can get a few words in before you pummel his face in.
The weird thing is that most of the mimes have a substantial amount of health, more than just ordinary civilians. Normally I could knock out any normal civilian with one or two knockout punches. When it came to beating the hell out of the mimes, it was at least four hits even with a weapon. Maybe it’s a conspiracy. Rockstar obviously planned for this all along.
6. Massacre the Beach Dwellers…
Now with a hammer!
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I absolutely love MURDER. Where is my preferred murdering territory you ask? Well the beach of course! Everyone there just looks so damn relaxed and enjoying their time, that it just means I have to end it. There are plenty of ways you can accomplish this, as my traditional preferred method was using a baseball bat and just chasing them down the beach. Just a quick swing into the back of the knee cap and we are all fine and dandy.
I have to add this mainly because of the addition of the first person mode. While originally I would just steal an ATV and drive up and down the beach, running over and shooting innocent civilians (whenever I’m not impersonating A-Rod). Now that has completely changed, as I can be up and personal with my victims. I’m the Dexter of the Grand Theft Auto V world, except I kill just because. No moral code, they were simply taking up my sun.
5. Swing for the Green!
One thing Rockstar excels at in all of their games is making mini-games and activities my new addiction. While tennis, hunting, and base jumping are a great way to casually waste time, I had to give this entry to golfing at the Los Santos Golf Club. This nine hole course is a perfect example of a ritzy upper-class golf club, even incorporating the assholes that come with it. While I can grab a golf cart and run over all the other golfers like everyone else, it seals its spot with actually being DIFFICULT.
Never going to make par…
While the course may only be nine holes, it is difficult, if not impossible to actually make par. The golfing mechanic in Grand Theft Auto V actually works like a PGA Tour golf simulator. If you actually like golfing video games, give it a try. Just don’t rage quit after the fifth hole and start murdering all of the other patrons. I’ll show them some hazards.
4. #Selfies
Trevor is at it again!
Now you can be like every other narcissistic millennial. By accessing the front-facing camera via your in-game smartphone, you can immortalize your massacre or heist in style with a #selfie. There are a variety of competitions you can participate in against other players, most notably a situations or locations challenge. I mean, you could take a selfie of you helping someone in need, but why? That is not the Grand Theft Auto V spirit.
While messing around, murdering, trying to decide on the entries for this list, I actually discovered another use for selfies. You can take selfies during all (including the most crucial) cut scenes throughout the main campaign. Why not cut some of this unwanted tension with a quick pic?
3. Become a Bird?
Now it’s time to move onto the drug portion of our list. Working similar to Weed, you can find the Peyote plant in various places around Los Santos and the surrounding area. It is designed eerily similar to its real life counterpart, and works just about in the same way. This is the perfect drug for Trevor and people who want to have the life that Trevor has. Definitely don’t want that.
Man, Peyote is one hell of a drug.
Now what exactly happens when you consume this legendary plant? Well you begin to fall into a hallucinogenic state and turn into any animal in the game. By far the funnest is turning into a bird, as you can explore the skies of Los Santos and defecate on the humans below. The animals are not limited to just birds, as you can become dogs, cats, bears, fish, etc. Now what happens if you interact with NPCs? They treat you exactly the same as you are a human. For example, fly into restricted airspace as a bird and you will be shot down by a jet. If you are a dog and confront some gangsters or thugs, you will be shot dead. The hallucination will end after a prolonged period of time, your death as an animal, or by simply pushing right on the D-pad. Don’t end your adventure too quickly though.
2. Steal All of the Money!
Am I here to wash your windows or steal your jewels?
Heists have always been a major favorite in the Grand Theft Auto series, initially starting in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Many installments in the Grand Theft Auto franchise later, and heists actually get the treatment they deserve. There are a number of heists that serve as major story missions throughout Grand Theft Auto V and fans quickly pleaded for these offline features to be added to Grand Theft Auto Online.
Then finally heists were actually added to Grand Theft Auto Online nearly a year after the activation of online mode. While there are only five heists available on Grand Theft Auto Online right now, don’t fret. These complex missions actually have replay value, since there are multiple ways of tackling each mission. Do we scale the building and bust through the window or do we hack the keypad and enter through the rear? These are the questions you need to ask yourself, as it could result in a $1,250,000 haul instead of $500,000. It could also equal out to absolutely nothing, and more often than not it will. These missions are difficult and you will probably die multiple times before making off with all that cold hard cash.
1. Create a Cinematic Adventure
Now this one is going to be a bummer for many gamers, as surprise, you can only create these using the Rockstar Editor on the PC version. Luckily, current-gen consoles will be able to snag the problem on September 15th, 2015.
Not another remake.
The Rockstar Editor is a revamped version of the Replay system from Grand Theft Auto IV, so it is not completely foreign to fans of the franchise. The program adds custom camera placement, a large variety of filters, and a nice little catalog of music to compliment your gameplay footage. Unfortunately the program is still new, as it is not yet designed to work with gameplay filmed in the first-person perspective.
Rockstar must know what they are doing to release this gem to the masses. What do gamers like more than playing games? Making their own creations inside their favorite hobbies. Just a quick search on YouTube will find a number of remakes from classic scenes to full original films. This Rockstar Editor is one hell of a program and can open the door for limitless opportunities. If you had access to this program, would you make a short film or remake a classic?
Honorable Mentions:
Fetching Grenades
Just a boy and his dog…for now
I know that I will get quite a bit of hate for this, but I love playing fetch with Chop It’s amazing how they can actually replicate the experience. For those of you who don’t know, Chop is one of the dog companions that you can use with Franklin. If you have a demented mind like mine, you wonder what would happen if you switched Chop’s tennis ball with a grenade. Let’s just say that it’s quite an explosive result. Karma also slapped me right back in the face as the grenade exploded after Chop brought it back to me. Double kill!
Yoga
Now let’s attempt the Lotus.
Yes…yoga. Unlocked after the player, playing as Michael, completes the mission “Did Somebody Say Yoga?” Yes I know what you are thinking…Rhuts, how can yoga be fun? Well each yoga position is completed via a series of QTEs that you have to remain holding for several seconds. It also adds a sense of hilarity to Michael, since he is the only player that can perform yoga, and he looks utterly ridiculous in many of these positions. Also, unlike many of the activities (golf, tennis, etc) you can perform yoga in two different locations. This can be either in Michael’s backyard or at the top of Mount Gordo. Relax…take a deep breath…and make yourself uncomfortable.
Wasting Money on Stocks…
Well now I own 30% of Ammu-Nation.
Trading stocks has been apart of the Grand Theft Auto universe since its transition into high-definition, but it hasn’t been as in depth. The BAWSAQ (nod to the real-life stock exchange NASDAQ as well as a little bit of slang for male genitalia) allows players to buy stocks in many of the different companies found in game. You can absolutely make a fortune if you know how to work the stock market, then again we would all be rich right now if we had that particular skill set. For those that do need a little help, you don’t have to look very hard online to find some tips and tricks to earn all that dough. Is it your turn to become the wolf of Wall Street? We can only dream…
There you have it, my top picks for ten ways to waste time in Grand Theft Auto V and Online. This definitely has been an interesting list to make, let alone play these mid-game. Have any interesting GTA Online moments to share? Be sure to leave them in the comments below. Until next time, stay crispy.
Not enough Grand Theft Auto? Be sure to check out the rest of our Grand Theft Auto reviews:
Written by Rhutsczar
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Hello everybody! Thanks for reaching the end of whatever my newest/current addiction is above me. If you haven’t had enough of my thoughts yet, I also run Media in Review, a website dedicated to movies and music. I also do casual YouTube videos over at the Media in Review and Senor con queso channels, so follow and subscribe@ Anyway if you like what you read and would like to check out more, follow the links below. Also be sure to check out the RBG over on Beyond Bacon!.
